Tiffany and Sparky : The Saga

Blog Author: Tiffany

Now as the count down to Sparky's visit ensues it is time to give you the history of our relationship. We meet a year and a half ago, through a mutual friend. We ended up going on a short friends trip where we found that we had a lot in common, and where I began to really enjoy his company. We would go on casual lunch dates, group activities and watch TV together. We acted like a couple in social situations but we NEVER expressed that we liked each other and left things in the FRIEND ZONE for TOO long! My frustration FINALLY peaked after a long FIVE months of this and I cowardly emailed him to find out how he felt towards me. He responded that I had all the qualities that he was looking for and that he had been sending mixed signals because he was having mixed feelings and for him the "spark" just wasn't there. To add to my dismay the very next day to receiving this email he was in a RELATIONSHIP with a girl he had known 3 days!!!!! Needless to say I stopped talking to him immediately and he even moved away for work. Out of sight out of mind....except for Facebook and his pesky new girlfriends need for OVER the TOP PDA pictures and TMI status updates ( I miss you...NO I Miss you MORE... you get the idea). I owe a lot of thanks to the handy blocking feature on Facebook during this time.

Well thanks to the blocking feature I hadn't even noticed when they broke up...except that I received an email from him two days after they had broken up. I politely responded because after all we had been friends...but it was brief. Than unexpectedly to me Sparky was back in town and we ended up at the beach together with friends. He pulled his towel right up next to mine and we talked as if nothing had happened and things were as they were before. As we walked down to feel the water I saw him turn back to look at me THREE TIMES! We spent the rest of the day together and his eyes said it ALL! I could immediately tell that he was wishing he had given US a real chance! We spent the rest of the week together with friends and family and than he was off Moving again! And still we were "JUST FRIENDS" and in May as we said goodbye he said I'll be back in December......DECEMBER???!!!! but that's 8 months away! So we continued to talk and flirt and he would say things like why don't you get a job out here...that would be so fun. I would laugh it off and joke back but hoping there was some truth behind the jokes. The third time he began to joke about me moving out to be closer to him I NEEDED to know how he felt about me AGAIN! So I asked straight out...How do you feel about me? and he said to be honest I didn't even want to move away for work because he wanted to see where things between us would go. It's not fair for me to say this being so far away. Ah ha! at last the response I was hoping for!...well kinda. See now that we finally established that we wanted to be together we were so far apart! He said that he couldn't give me the committed relationship I deserved right now but that hopefully things would change in the future and I said I was looking for a relationship and couldn't just sit around and wait for him. So I continued dating and Sparky and I casually kept in touch.

So Now its October and he has been scheduled for an unexpected Job training in California and is coming to visit! Although its only for three days its still so much better than December! He has expressed his excitement to spend a lot of time with me. Now remember this has been a year and a half and we haven't so much as held hands but my hopes and expectations are so much higher compared to my date with DJ or Tonka. In this situation I have so much more to gain or so much more to loose because of all the time and emotions invested. For some reason he is the one that makes my heart skip a beat each time I receive a text message or email from him and he is the one I compare all other guys to. Can they make me laugh as much as he does? Are they as smart as he is? Do they have as much in common as we do? and so far No, No, No.

Check back to hear how the weekend visit goes.

Do I like you or did I like the Date?

Blog Author: Tiffany A. Catch
Current book reading: Finding the Love of your LIfe by: Neil Clark Warren PH.D (Creator of eHarmony and by far my favorite book for the dating population)

This past week "Tonka" asked me out for a date, to accompany him to a sporting event. My uneventful weekday night just became a lot more exciting! Now I am going to blow dry my hair and put on make up that makes me feel pretty. Next, I will pick out the perfect sporting event appropriate date outfit!

The sporting event was extremely entertaining with rowdy fans, players fighting and a neck to neck scoring game. I got to order out food that I wouldn't normally eat. Not to mention I had someones full attention for four hours! Asking are you hungry? Can I get you candy? Would you like my jacket to keep you warm?
I have the I like to be LIKED syndrome...so on a date I mainly focus on trying to make everyone like me. Instead I should be figuring out do I like them?? or do I just like the dates and attention?

Needless to say I had a great time on the date with Tonka but part of me was thinking how much fun this would be with Sparky. Not to mention that Sparky is coming into town THIS WEEKEND and we have plans to spend a lot of time together. So to be fair to Tonka I need to spend more time with him to know if I could like him but right now I can't fully give him a chance until I spend time with Sparky and find out where things stand between us.

The Cold Shoulder

This past week DJ called me up and asked me out for a date. I had already decided that I would say yes when he asked. So he picked me up promptly at 7 and wanted to go out dinner on the pier. I had a nice time and good conversation. As we walked back down the pier he put his arm around me and in that moment I felt horrible that I could not reciprocate and snuggle in to him. He felt the distance as I continued walking arms crossed, shoulders stiff, he took notice and gracefully took his arm off totally deflated. What do I do to make up for my lack of interest in him romantically...I TALK and TALK to make up for any awkward silence or pauses. I talked so much I had a sore throat when I got home three hours later.

I had debated if this date was a good idea or not and although it did not change my mind I think that it was a positive experience overall. I did learn more about him and really admired what a hard worker he is and liked his go-getter attitude. I was impressed with his ability to take a risk so early on and to try and put his arm around me. The ratio of risk to benefit that early on is so wise! Really he hasn't invested more than $20 on dinner and two weeks of flirting/pursuing so had I reciprocated this would of been a big gain and with the non-reciprocation it was only a small loss. In that small moment I really realized that I did not feel any romantic feelings towards him and he found out that it wasn't more than a friendly connection between us and that was it NO major harm done. He has since stopped calling and texting. Even better is that we have run into each other and had totally normal friendly conversation. So I would recommend to anyone out there to give people a chance at least one date.