tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-90306642618357299702024-03-04T22:59:28.162-08:00Dating the Self Help WayDating the Self Help Wayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07483673168086105742noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9030664261835729970.post-14536259545411600302010-07-26T01:49:00.001-07:002010-07-26T01:51:12.818-07:00Deal or No Deal?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4Gmu2PcJe6jwjhCPuvZ5IQxDgFmrTUUb2VWpYuinsbU-k5fvD1dF92lt8f15HWkpbGhWlTTuZIrTwBKAsE5cjGq6l9vsxOp62vx94v1kIRnF56K8se5s2iUwqMIK-CnMOEan0b-8Jwrk/s1600/dealbreaker.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 124px; height: 124px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4Gmu2PcJe6jwjhCPuvZ5IQxDgFmrTUUb2VWpYuinsbU-k5fvD1dF92lt8f15HWkpbGhWlTTuZIrTwBKAsE5cjGq6l9vsxOp62vx94v1kIRnF56K8se5s2iUwqMIK-CnMOEan0b-8Jwrk/s320/dealbreaker.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5498134535645834562" /></a><br />New Self Help Book: Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough<br />By: Lori Gottlieb<br /><br />The author of this book is a 41 year-old, never been married, single mom who reflects on her dating past and what she wishes she would have known if she were 26 again. Well lucky for me she finished this book while I was on the cusp of 26 and wanting to learn from her mistakes and avoid making any more of my own….well at least in the relationship department. <br /><br />As I read her book there were so many instances where I saw myself making the same classic mistakes that would only get me NOWHERE! First we have to ask our 26 plus single selves...how did we get here?<br /><br />Well here I am, 27 years old, still single, and I am thinking to myself, “Well I’ve waited this long...I am not going to settle now.” We (other 26+ singles and I ) are surrounded by all our married friends and family who continually praise us and tell us what a great catch we are and how they just can’t believe we have not been snatched up! I find myself starting to believe that I am the total catch. I mean my code name is Tiffany A. Catch afterall…a name I chose for myself before I ever read this book, which shows how much I was buying into myself being a total prize, leaving me with an inflated sense that I would make an ideal mate. Not only that, but I also find myself looking for a long LIST of qualities. I want to find someone who is handsome, a good dresser but not gay, smart but not nerdy smart, witty-funny smart, ambitious, interesting and edgy but not too edgy, normal but not boring guy. This idealistic list has been causing me to dismiss good quality guys for frivolous non-deal breaking reasons.<br /><br />I think everyone can look back at their dating past and think of at least one good guy they let get away because of a SILLY deal breaker! For me, it was John, a high school crush and friend. Years later his mother decided that we should date and marry. John was an obedient son, so we went out. He was a good, funny guy, and we had always been close. In fact I had liked him before he ever liked me, but I ended things with him because I wanted him to want me because HE wanted me, not because his mother had told him to. Now he is happily married with three kids and is a great husband and father. Although I do not have regrets, I admit my dismissal was frivolous. Was I expecting a song and dance declaring his undying love? Truth of the matter is that he was a kind and humble man, looking for a commitment, and willing to put up with ME! A read deal breaker would be a dishonest man, an unreligious man, or a mean man. <br /><br />My married girlfriends’ husbands are nice guys, and they have a lot of the qualities that we wrote down on our lists but not ALL of them. A woman in the book “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough” did just that - she married whom she called Mr. Predictable. This is what she had to say, “I think the difference between women who get married and women who don’t is that women who don’t get married never give up the idea that they’re gong to marry Brad Pitt. It doesn’t occur to you that maybe it’s okay if THE ONE doesn’t look like Brad Pitt and earn a gazillion dollars and make you go weak in the knees every time you’re together”. Instead we are holding on to our unrealistic LIST. <br /><br />At this point the LIST hasn’t become a list of qualities we are searching out, but instead it has turned into a fault finding list. Well guess what...if we are looking for faults we are bound to find them because no one is perfect. In fact they say the predictor for happier marriages for people who so call “settle,” and by settle I mean they choose to marry someone who doesn’t meet all the criteria of their LIST, is that they have a more realistic expectation of their mate to not be perfect. The people who end up unhappily married are those who think they have found the perfect person, but become disappointed when they do not measure up. <br /><br />Rachel Greenwald, a dating coach, describes what she too often sees happen, “I was in this failed relationship for a year, another for five years. Or, I kept getting back with my ex-boyfriend. Or, I knew after six months or a year that it wasn’t going anywhere, but I stayed hoping it would change.” Greenwald continues, “The men they’ve been attracted to have generally offered the exact opposite of what they actually wanted in the long run (key word) - stability, responsibility, compassion, groundedness, maturity, the desire for kids. Remember you don’t have time to waste on a guy because you are infatuated with him”. Uh Oh here I am...GUILTY!<br />It is about time I realize that I have been dating all wrong! This book isn’t even about lowering my standards. It is about maturing and recognizing what is really most important and having REASONABLE standards for a mate. Understanding what makes the difference between a good boyfriend and what makes for a good husband or wife. In the long haul of a marriage the qualities of someone who is stable and dependable are far more important than gorgeous and exciting. So from now on, I will stop ruling out guys for non-deal breaking reasons.Dating the Self Help Wayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07483673168086105742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9030664261835729970.post-66275155644031289492010-07-26T01:13:00.000-07:002010-07-26T01:16:04.735-07:00Bon Voyage<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxw4lEju4A40AGhDiHnFNj7CFf07-oYlErtL2CCLIKUZe1pDv9G0j_dvlnWZui83QHp2wMYnKpzGywWbGODr1B4nxUWC30toezpowXFAasZ8_61pUonqXHnxKTV82h2Wvn5yldxHQ8xfg/s1600/suitcase-bon-voyage.gif"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 250px; height: 227px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxw4lEju4A40AGhDiHnFNj7CFf07-oYlErtL2CCLIKUZe1pDv9G0j_dvlnWZui83QHp2wMYnKpzGywWbGODr1B4nxUWC30toezpowXFAasZ8_61pUonqXHnxKTV82h2Wvn5yldxHQ8xfg/s320/suitcase-bon-voyage.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5498125505964980082" /></a><br /><br /><br />The Last entry that I left, Sparky and I were back together, all the game playing seemed to be in the past, and our time to be together had finally come. Since I had been burned by him in the past I took a back seat and let him pursue me...which he did. He initiated conversation everyday, he told me what a great team we made, he told me he wanted me to move out to be close to him, told me that marriage and family were most important to him in life now, and he invited me out to visit him. I never once brought up these topics since in the past I had told him that I was looking for a committed relationship, and if that wasn’t what he was looking for to leave me alone. <br />Sparky had invited me out to spend a long weekend with him and I was thrilled! Since I had told him my position and he was the one telling me all these things, was I to believe that after traveling thousands of miles our relationship would move forward? His sister had come over to visit and even told me that it was likely we would get married…..not that I was expecting a proposal by any means but at least a conversation about us and the real possibility of our future. <br /><br />Prior to my departure Sparky took a trip to New York two weeks before my arrival and could not stop raving about how much fun he had and how he could not wait to go back. By the time I arrived for my visit it was too late. The window of opportunity was closed, and he was no longer talking about white picket fences and kids in the yard. Instead he was allured by the bright city lights of New York and contemplating putting in a transfer there. While he raved about all the new people you can meet and the ability to sit down to have pizza at 4 a.m. in the city...my heart sunk. Why did I think this time would be different? Hadn’t he done this to me before? So close to being together and taking that next step when instead he sees what appears to be greener pastures. <br /><br />Here I was all by myself, thousands of miles away from home, and still a long weekend to spend with Sparky. Luckily my phone didn’t work because had I been able to call anyone the tears would have started flowing and who knows if they would have been able to stop. The worst part is that we had SO much fun together! We had great conversation, comfortable silence, laughter, and that feeling of just being with someone who gets you. <br /><br />The second I got off the plane and called my mom the tears just started flowing. Why had he invited me out? Why had he led me on? Why did it hurt worse this time? He had done it twice before, but this time I really let myself fall. Well one thing was for sure...we would NEVER be together. Now I will never wonder what if. <br /><br />I should have learned from the first time that he would only repeat this pattern. The lesson learned through this is that guys do not change and the third time is NOT the charm. BON VOYAGE Sparky.Dating the Self Help Wayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07483673168086105742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9030664261835729970.post-14878935688208419512010-04-05T00:39:00.000-07:002010-04-05T00:48:25.984-07:00Sparky and the Wedding Date<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdyxVuUcjUOWM_oSromyRLANkRMdwwEiVgBnvHCCmII1vgdJKUlyPiCRtlTUqxWKxhVaU6bdFkv4xNF11ecCe0JQjUO2l-TuI1yd0BELOkNQR024g2jw_c1WtTFb_6WCvO-58ZEYniNhA/s1600/wedding+date.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdyxVuUcjUOWM_oSromyRLANkRMdwwEiVgBnvHCCmII1vgdJKUlyPiCRtlTUqxWKxhVaU6bdFkv4xNF11ecCe0JQjUO2l-TuI1yd0BELOkNQR024g2jw_c1WtTFb_6WCvO-58ZEYniNhA/s320/wedding+date.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5456556115245190002" /></a><br /> <br />Well since I introduced Sparky to the blog 7 months ago I neglected to update the interactions between us. I apologize because I vowed to disclose the good, the bad, and the ugly. So here it is...Sparky's October visit had so much build up and anticipation for there to be a great change in our relationship, but it just did not happen. Whenever we were together we were always with his family and NEVER alone! How can the relationship progress if we don't actually date? I was just mad that he was all talk and no action. Why wouldn't he give ME or US just a chance??! We still talked casually but I had a feeling that he was starting to talk with his ex-girlfriend.<br /> <br />When Sparky came to visit in December we had not spoken in a month. My friend picked me up to go out and before hand texted me that he was coming with us. I thanked her for the heads up and we were completely cordial during our outing. Then to confirm what I was thinking he announced that he his EX would be taking him home. Later that week we were both at church and 30 minutes into the service I received a text from him, "I have been looking for you. I thought you were ditching church but I just saw you!" Why??!!! Why is he looking for me? Why is he texting me? I told him to work on his detective skills and he said, "We need to hang out." "Fat Chance!!" I thought still a bit angry.<br /> <br />Fast forward to February, Sparky and I haven't talked since December and I get a message from him, "I heard this...I heard that." Why does he check up on me? Why does he care? Two days later he messages again and we talk for an hour. Before I know what has happened I am doing it again...I am falling. I try to deny it and say that we are just good friends and it is good to catch up. He announces that he will be in town in a few weeks and that we should get together. Only this time I don't get my hopes up because I know better. When he messages me again the next day I begin to wonder what is going on??! We casually talk and then he says, "So there was something I wanted to ask you...would you be my date to my brother's wedding?"...I am SHOCKED!...flattered, excited, but still SHOCKED! Why does he need a date? It's a family wedding and he is the best man, so why does he need a date? With a million questions running through my mind I say Yes.<br /> <br />It's the weekend of the wedding, Sparky is back in town and wants to see me Thursday but, I am too tired. Then Friday night he invites me over and I cancel because of previous engagements and he says, "Just don't bail on me tomorrow!" The wedding was the first time that I saw him. I had bought the perfect flirty little black dress. When he spotted me across the field he did a double take and said he didn't recognize me because I looked so sexy -- Mission Accomplished!! The wedding was beautiful and romantic. He gave a moving best man speech, we visited with friends and his family, ate cake and danced the night away! As we slow danced the photographer came to take our picture and he held me even closer!! It was as if we were a couple once again. His Dad turned to me and said, "Will you just snatch him up already??!" I just looked at him and he said, "I know! I know! I am going to smack that boy upside his head!" We spent the rest of his time that he was in town together until it was time for him to leave for the airport. Another long embrace, another goodbye. When he landed back at home he messaged me to thank me and tell me what a great time he had with me at the wedding. Could things work out for me like the movie Made of Honor? Where the guy keeps asking her to be his date to all of his father's weddings and eventually realizes she is perfect for him!!<br /> <br />So here we are again...Are we really going to try for a round three? Is the third time really a charm??Dating the Self Help Wayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07483673168086105742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9030664261835729970.post-16815398819951835522010-03-22T23:30:00.000-07:002010-03-23T01:20:27.226-07:00Do Dream Guys Exsist in the Virtual World?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUMfLD13Y6TRuSQL4AT2ydl0BsInLwXf2SNaYZXJmSow_vFOlsR6p45nP9gSZ1hGmmNifDjvX8M-xrsyZT-ImMy1gOHXgZyy-f7CxULK_SAHgJ6G8TWplAjsbSUcpMXfOn9u27Wg9FPIM/s1600-h/Online+dating.gif"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 265px; height: 277px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUMfLD13Y6TRuSQL4AT2ydl0BsInLwXf2SNaYZXJmSow_vFOlsR6p45nP9gSZ1hGmmNifDjvX8M-xrsyZT-ImMy1gOHXgZyy-f7CxULK_SAHgJ6G8TWplAjsbSUcpMXfOn9u27Wg9FPIM/s320/Online+dating.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5451741172828502322" /></a><br /><br />Contributor: Tiffany A. Catch<br />Dating Advice: Dr. Neil Clark Warren the creator of eHarmony.com<br /><br />A few years ago my cousin came up to me and told me that she had a dream that I married her ex-boyfriend. My first question; Is he cute? Second question; Are you ok with that? <br /> Well since that dream I have signed up for a few online dating services. I have scoped out the guys and even emailed back and forth with a few. Which was all in good fun and confidence boosting but when it came to meeting someone I would always chicken out and just let things fade out. <br /><br />When I was contacted by my Dream Guy; a handsome guy, my age, my state, a career in the same field, and an ex-boyfriend of my cousin! I thought, if I am ever going to go through with meeting someone I have a good feeling about this Dream Guy. We exchanged a few emails getting to know each other and than I extended the invite for a group get together. He responded with," Oh my gosh was that an official invite? I think I just hyperventilated, see I had really just joined this online dating for some funny stories....but you don't live too far away and seem pretty cool...so yeah I'd like to get together." Then I responded with letting him know that this was the first time I had ever planned to meet someone from an online dating. He said, "I don't know if you're some Internet creeper but I should warn you that me and my friends are pretty ripped...just saying, but if you are a beautiful girl named Tiffany then I am excited to meet you!" I responded by saying, " Ok I'll make some treats you bring the six packs...of soda of course ;)"<br /><br />Of course meeting my Dream Guy was a total success! He was cuter in person and a ton of fun! I had a great time and he even showed up with six packs of sodas! After the date he updated on his Facebook that he had a really great time and positive experience with online dating :) We emailed a few more times, but NO second date. :( It's alright because going out with him reminded me about how I use to get excited about dating, Dream Guy reminded me that was how dating was supposed to feel like since I was feeling discouraged by the lack of excitement I have been feeling about dates...I guess I'll keep Dreaming and cyber stalking haha!Dating the Self Help Wayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07483673168086105742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9030664261835729970.post-6120638609670834652010-03-22T20:59:00.000-07:002010-03-23T01:25:05.029-07:00Spiderwebs<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYlp9T0lqNl4w0D-Ppsb7Lvv94F5YQzRpFwAN1H57XRDBHMK2akjYggZqVnanrEOx1WqU_PgjRJaBA0CtKvul5dTfjqMJEriQm93Uc9uVeiCaHEDqim0Tbd7uRmAvkIhitGLVJsQy-xX4/s1600-h/Screening+Calls.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 319px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYlp9T0lqNl4w0D-Ppsb7Lvv94F5YQzRpFwAN1H57XRDBHMK2akjYggZqVnanrEOx1WqU_PgjRJaBA0CtKvul5dTfjqMJEriQm93Uc9uVeiCaHEDqim0Tbd7uRmAvkIhitGLVJsQy-xX4/s320/Screening+Calls.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5451742406720660210" /></a><br />Contributor: Tiffany A. Catch<br />Advice Reference: Gwen Stefani said it best in No Doubt's Spiderwebs!<br /><br />I had been asked out by Iron Bored, he saw me at a party and wanted to talk to me but my time was being monopolized by Tonka and Iron Bored never worked up the courage to interrupt. Instead he emailed me the next day expressing his regrets to introduce himself and asking for a chance to make it up. Forgiving the fact that he didn't have the courage to talk to me the first time I agreed to a date. In emails and on the date Iron Bored would volunteer information so that I may be able to get to know him better. Two facts he kept repeating was that he was a twist the top off the toothpaste kind of guy because he thought it was neater and that he has to run six miles a day. He also carried a laminated card of his family member's birthdays. He than cut our date early so that he could go home to get to bed because he had to wake up to iron his shirts because he could not wear a shirt which had been ironed the night before. This little bit of information was enough for me to know that Mikey was not for me. Although, I do enjoy a clean home, I am more relaxed in my efforts to achieve it so that life doesn't become to routine and boring.<br /><br />A week later when the phone rang and it was him, I actually ANSWERED! Apparently answering a phone call is unheard of because he said, " Oh you answered... What I had to say was really more for voicemail....but I guess I'll just say it anyways. ( I quickly suggested I hang up and he could call back because what could he possibly prefer to say on Voicemail?? I'll admit I was secretly hoping that he would say I think you're great but I am just not feeling a connection) Instead I hear, " Hey I am just calling to see how your week is going. Hope it's going well and I wanted to tell you I think you are funny and I would like to take you out again."...... <br />I think I uttered something like that was nice...ok I'll call you later.<br /><br />So in the words of Gwen Stefani, "You think that we connect, that the chemistry's correct....Don't have the courage inside me to tell you please let me be....and it's all your fault, I screen my phone calls...so leave a message and I'll call you back!" Moral of the story...if you don't feel comfortable saying it straight to the person DON'T SAY IT!!Dating the Self Help Wayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07483673168086105742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9030664261835729970.post-17147376633486330542009-10-13T19:55:00.001-07:002010-03-23T01:42:09.815-07:00Tiffany and Sparky : The Saga<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGVOyMFMExF3DmOELT08kQWzG1z4RetSFzf3WZV_4Ty3KN18gCVDqyz4KTVR1Fb7jaaY446qUDDEo94aik319Qpu_QOGyNPRsFBIBwqjhyphenhyphenW6vuEgOYTce8LZwERPm5NwvEAZqapV1ZItY/s1600-h/Friend+zone.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGVOyMFMExF3DmOELT08kQWzG1z4RetSFzf3WZV_4Ty3KN18gCVDqyz4KTVR1Fb7jaaY446qUDDEo94aik319Qpu_QOGyNPRsFBIBwqjhyphenhyphenW6vuEgOYTce8LZwERPm5NwvEAZqapV1ZItY/s320/Friend+zone.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5451746827992003490" /></a><br />Blog Author: Tiffany <br /><br /><em></em>Now as the count down to Sparky's visit ensues it is time to give you the history of our relationship. We meet a year and a half ago, through a mutual friend. We ended up going on a short friends trip where we found that we had a lot in common, and where I began to really enjoy his company. We would go on casual lunch dates, group activities and watch TV together. We acted like a couple in social situations but we <strong>NEVER</strong> expressed that we liked each other and left things in the <strong>FRIEND ZONE</strong> for <strong>TOO</strong> long! My frustration <em>FINALLY</em> peaked after a long <strong>FIVE</strong> months of this and I cowardly emailed him to find out how he felt towards me. He responded that I had all the qualities that he was looking for and that he had been sending mixed signals because he was having mixed feelings and for him the "spark" just wasn't there. To add to my dismay the very next day to receiving this email he was in a <strong>RELATIONSHIP</strong> with a girl he had known 3 days!!!!! Needless to say I stopped talking to him immediately and he even moved away for work. Out of sight out of mind....except for Facebook and his pesky new girlfriends need for OVER the TOP PDA pictures and TMI status updates ( I miss you...NO I Miss you MORE... you get the idea). I owe a lot of thanks to the handy blocking feature on Facebook during this time. <br /><br />Well thanks to the blocking feature I hadn't even noticed when they broke up...except that I received an email from him two days after they had broken up. I politely responded because after all we had been friends...but it was brief. Than unexpectedly to me Sparky was back in town and we ended up at the beach together with friends. He pulled his towel right up next to mine and we talked as if nothing had happened and things were as they were before. As we walked down to feel the water I saw him turn back to look at me <em><strong>THREE TIMES!</strong></em> We spent the rest of the day together and his eyes said it ALL! I could immediately tell that he was wishing he had given US a real chance! We spent the rest of the week together with friends and family and than he was off Moving again! And still we were "JUST FRIENDS" and in May as we said goodbye he said I'll be back in December......DECEMBER???!!!! but that's 8 months away! So we continued to talk and flirt and he would say things like why don't you get a job out here...that would be so fun. I would laugh it off and joke back but hoping there was some truth behind the jokes. The third time he began to joke about me moving out to be closer to him I NEEDED to know how he felt about me<strong> AGAIN!</strong> So I asked straight out...How do you feel about me? and he said to be honest I didn't even want to move away for work because he wanted to see where things between us would go. It's not fair for me to say this being so far away. Ah ha! at last the response I was hoping for!...well kinda. See now that we finally established that we wanted to be together we were so far apart! He said that he couldn't give me the committed relationship I deserved right now but that hopefully things would change in the future and I said I was looking for a relationship and couldn't just sit around and wait for him. So I continued dating and Sparky and I casually kept in touch. <br /><br />So Now its October and he has been scheduled for an unexpected Job training in California and is coming to visit! Although its only for three days its still so much better than December! He has expressed his excitement to spend a lot of time with me. Now remember this has been a year and a half and we haven't so much as held hands but my hopes and expectations are so much higher compared to my date with DJ or Tonka. In this situation I have so much more to gain or so much more to loose because of all the time and emotions invested. For some reason he is the one that makes my heart skip a beat each time I receive a text message or email from him and he is the one I compare all other guys to. Can they make me laugh as much as he does? Are they as smart as he is? Do they have as much in common as we do? and so far No, No, No. <br /><br />Check back to hear how the weekend visit goes.Dating the Self Help Wayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07483673168086105742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9030664261835729970.post-73965021127437588592009-10-13T19:17:00.000-07:002009-10-13T19:23:13.433-07:00Do I like you or did I like the Date?Blog Author: Tiffany A. Catch<br />Current book reading: Finding the Love of your LIfe by: Neil Clark Warren PH.D (Creator of eHarmony and by far my favorite book for the dating population)<br /><br />This past week "Tonka" asked me out for a date, to accompany him to a sporting event. My uneventful weekday night just became a lot more exciting! Now I am going to blow dry my hair and put on make up that makes me feel pretty. Next, I will pick out the perfect sporting event appropriate date outfit! <br /> <br />The sporting event was extremely entertaining with rowdy fans, players fighting and a neck to neck scoring game. I got to order out food that I wouldn't normally eat. Not to mention I had someones full attention for four hours! Asking are you hungry? Can I get you candy? Would you like my jacket to keep you warm? <br />I have the I like to be LIKED syndrome...so on a date I mainly focus on trying to make everyone like me. Instead I should be figuring out do I like them?? or do I just like the dates and attention? <br /> <br />Needless to say I had a great time on the date with Tonka but part of me was thinking how much fun this would be with Sparky. Not to mention that Sparky is coming into town THIS WEEKEND and we have plans to spend a lot of time together. So to be fair to Tonka I need to spend more time with him to know if I could like him but right now I can't fully give him a chance until I spend time with Sparky and find out where things stand between us.Dating the Self Help Wayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07483673168086105742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9030664261835729970.post-20102062735320222622009-10-05T20:15:00.000-07:002009-10-05T20:17:44.468-07:00The Cold ShoulderThis past week DJ called me up and asked me out for a date. I had already decided that I would say yes when he asked. So he picked me up promptly at 7 and wanted to go out dinner on the pier. I had a nice time and good conversation. As we walked back down the pier he put his arm around me and in that moment I felt horrible that I could not reciprocate and snuggle in to him. He felt the distance as I continued walking arms crossed, shoulders stiff, he took notice and gracefully took his arm off totally deflated. What do I do to make up for my lack of interest in him romantically...I <strong>TALK</strong> and <strong>TALK</strong> to make up for any awkward silence or pauses. I talked so much I had a sore throat when I got home three hours later. <br /><br />I had debated if this date was a good idea or not and although it did not change my mind I think that it was a positive experience overall. I did learn more about him and really admired what a hard worker he is and liked his go-getter attitude. I was impressed with his ability to take a risk so early on and to try and put his arm around me. The ratio of risk to benefit that early on is so wise! Really he hasn't invested more than $20 on dinner and two weeks of flirting/pursuing so had I reciprocated this would of been a big gain and with the non-reciprocation it was only a small loss. In that small moment I really realized that I did not feel any romantic feelings towards him and he found out that it wasn't more than a friendly connection between us and that was it <strong>NO</strong> major harm done. He has since stopped calling and texting. Even better is that we have run into each other and had totally normal friendly conversation. So I would recommend to anyone out there to give people a chance at least one date.Dating the Self Help Wayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07483673168086105742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9030664261835729970.post-91635008569996998562009-09-16T01:54:00.000-07:002009-09-16T18:35:05.937-07:00BBDArticle Author: Tiffany A. Catch<br />Book Reading- Mars and Venus on a Date<br /> <br />Break out your medical books there is a new illness hitting young single adults everywhere! Symptoms include always thinking that you can find someone better, always keeping your options open, NEVER becoming too serious with just one person. It's called the BIGGER BETTER DEAL syndrome aka the BBD! <br /> <br />Now you may ask yourself why is the BBD syndrome harmful to young adults and their ability to find a loving and long lasting relationship. The problem with people who have the BBD syndrome is that they are never allowing a relationship to reach the stage of exclusivity. Exclusivity is important for you to determine and know for a surety if this person is or isn't right for you. You have to push through the uncertainty to reach this conclusion. Then through the process of elimination you find out if that person is or is not for you and you get closer to knowing and finding the right person for you.<br /><br />Even I suffer from BBD syndrome...so badly that I don't even want to say yes to ONE date....How could I have already decided that I don't want to date someone if I have not even been on ONE date with them??? I just think that if I say yes to one date it will snowball into a relationship and I don't know if I want to be in a relationship with this person. I just need to recognize that those feelings are normal and that one date does not mean I will start dating this person. I can say hey I had a lot of fun and I think you are really nice but I am just not feeling it....<br /><br />So here is the situation; I have made what I thought a new friend, DJ, but I have gotten myself into this situation by being what I consider friendly and others may consider flirty. Now he is interested and has been hinting that he wants to go out through text messages and chatting. The reasons that I do not want to go on a date with him is because I do not feel attracted to him and I want to hold out for the BBD. I haven't reciprocated very much other than to be polite because I had decided that I needed to back off as to not lead him on. Well my roommate did not get the MEMO and invited DJ over for a movie night. I was relieved when he couldn't make it but the invite only seemed to light a fire under him. He has started texting and tonight he CALLED!!...and we all know what a phone call means! HE WANTS A DATE... I didn't answer because I was at work...he left a message to call back or that he would TRY AGAIN....sigh. OK so I get the message he is going to keep persisting until he gets what he wants...so I text back. I guess that was the moment I decided that OK FINE...I will go on ONE date with DJ. He hasn't asked yet but has asked about my schedule and is trying to find things we have in common.<br /><br />So I guess there are three reasons why I have decided to say Yes to this one date. One being that I shouldn't discourage guys like DJ who are doing their part and ASKING girls out. Plus, I had made a resolve to say yes to one date with nice guys. The second reason I think that going on a date with DJ would be good thing is that it might light a fire under a few other guys. They might think," I have been wanting to ask Tiffany out..and I heard she said yes to DJ so maybe she will say yes to me"...Who knows...just a theory I am testing out. The third reason I am going to say Yes to a date with DJ is because SPARKY is coming to visit!!! He needs to know there are other guys out there who are going to give him a run for his money!....and I need to know that too.<br /><br />Check back to see how my ONE date with DJ goes...How bad could it be?<br /><br />UPDATE: DJ called again today and asked me out to dinner. We are going out tomorrow night.Dating the Self Help Wayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07483673168086105742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9030664261835729970.post-89603952888552667332009-09-08T15:39:00.001-07:002009-09-08T16:08:25.676-07:00Hung UpWe'll I can't say it better than Madonna so I won't try...<br /><br />Time goes by so slowly for those who wait<br />Every little thing you say or do<br />I'm hung up<br />I'm hung up on you<br />Waiting for your call<br />baby night and day<br />I'm fed up <br />I'm tired of waiting on you<br /><br />So I am guilty of this. While, I don't want to get into the whole story as to why I am hung up on Sparky, I have seen this all too often. So let me help all of you who are wondering what it means to be hung up. Generally speaking you have had some form of a relationship with this person; dated or close friends what have you. You have formed some type of attachment to this person and although your relationship did not reach the status that you had hoped (boyfriend, girlfriend...ETC) the bridge ISN'T burned. You can still communicate with this person and you view them not as they are but as the potential you see for them...potential significant other. <br /><br />Now you ask what is wrong with this type of relationship. Well when we are by definition "hung up" on someone we tend to not make ourselves available to other opportunities because we compare others to this person, and want to stick with what is familiar. We feel like we have invested so much time and effort into this person and he/she already knows us. It is far EASIER to remain hopeful that this person will come around and realize you are amazing and everything they are looking for, than to give someone NEW a chance and start from scratch. I know we don't want to hear it but that is exactly what we need to do. To be honest with ourselves that person has had more than enough chances to be the person that we want them to be but they still are NOT! So back to Madonna;<br /><br />I can't keep on waiting for you<br />I know that you're still hesitating <br />Don't cry for me<br />cause I'll find my way<br />You'll wake up one day<br />But it'll be too late<br /><br /><br />So to overcome being hung up here are some things I am trying to do. Stop looking at his blog (Facebook, MySpace), stop initiating contact (texting, chatting), but most importantly I am accepting him as he is and how he treats me instead of how I hope that some day he will. See he wants to keep my attention but does not want to be committed to a relationship so therefore only contacts me every two weeks which I need to stop accepting because it is NOT what I want. Now I have to start giving some other people a chance to get to know me and start from scratch. <br /><br />Wish me luck<br />XOXO<br />TiffanyDating the Self Help Wayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07483673168086105742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9030664261835729970.post-82846232205596241492009-09-01T02:02:00.000-07:002009-09-01T02:04:46.567-07:00Sitting, Waiting, WishingTiffany here<br />Current Book: He's Just Not That Into You<br />Dating Advice: He' just not that into you if he's not calling you.<br /><br />Situation: Well this weekend I was the social butterfly! A girlfriend of mine, Lala, invited me out to her neck of the woods for a pool party/ weekend get away. I went to the pool party with a friend and did not know a single guest except Lala . While staying cool in the pool I showed the guys my playful side by initiating a game of beach ball volleyball. While I could give you all the individual details of the different guys that I meet most of those details could very well prove to be pointless. I will however say that I did meet some promising potential suitors! We had great conversations, good chemistry, and made connections but not one asked me for my phone number! Where is the follow through??!!! It makes me wonder, do guys still ask girls for their phone numbers? Will they be resourceful and get it at any means? How much has Facebook and the Internet changed dating? The following day I went out to Lala's for another gathering and saw some of the same men and new ones, they greeted me and asked why I was out visiting again, complimented me on my appearance and so on....but did not ask for my number! oh the frustration! Don't we go to these events to meet new people? And when we do we have poor follow through on how we are going to forge this new friendship/relationship. <br /><br />Dating Advice: So now if I follow what the experts say to do I just have to sit and WAIT!!...wait for the guy to find my number and contact me. When a reader asked Greg Behrendt," Why can't I call the guy? Greg said, "because we don't like it!" If I follow what the experts say and they don't call or contact me ,than I should accept that they just aren't that into me and move on. Part of me sees the validity in this point but the other part of me is itching to email them!!! I will have to admit that I am anxious to see if anyone takes the bait. The old me would justify sending them an email by thinking, we had a good conversation and we are friends now so why can't I make the first move? Using excuses like, I am afraid that maybe they didn't get my name or a good look at me. So to make sure to cover all my bases, I have made sure to leave comments and messages on our mutual friends Facebook pages. This gives me the hope that they will see and look me up! TI feel like the book tells us to stop being hopeful and just face the facts, if they liked you they would look you up and find a way. Sometimes I take it too personal that not all of the guys I meet like me. When really only one guy needs to like me.<br /><br />Resolve: I may not be able to initially call or contact the guy, however I can improve the closing of the conversation. I can say well hey nice to meet you, next time your in my neck of the woods look me up...or even hey next time you see me come say Hi! I am not sure exactly what would be best to say and I am open to suggestions! Send me your suggestions and I will put them to practice the next chance I get! patiently awaiting a call.....I mean moving on.Dating the Self Help Wayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07483673168086105742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9030664261835729970.post-80707329769470597492009-08-31T01:49:00.000-07:002009-08-31T01:52:21.638-07:00The Nice GuyTiffany<br />Adventure #6 Why do I give the nice guy the cold shoulder? <br />Current book reading: He’s just not that Into You <br />Dating Advice being put to the test: He's not into you if he's not calling you.<br />Dating Resolution: Say yes.....even if I think they're too nice<br /> <br /> Ok, so I am guilty of turning down a guy who has seemed interested in dating me because I think that he is too nice. I freeze up and become uncertain if I would want to be in a relationship with him, so I do not even give them an opportunity (I know I know, its just one date). I am pretty sure that I am done with my bad boy stage but, still want someone assertive. The problem I think I have with dating this type of man is that I think I would wear the pants in the relationship and that I could so to speak walk all over him. The important thing is that I wouldn't and that I would be respectful of him in the relationship. As I expressed this concern to a co-worker she had these words of wisdom, "Do not mistake nice for wimpy". Besides who is too nice anyways? We really DO want to end up with the nice guy. Current nice guy pursuing me: Tonka. I meet him at a singles conference during a round of speed dating. Chemistry was moderate but we had good conversation and followed up with going out with a group for ice cream. While my initial attraction was to his friend nothing became of it. Tonka on the other hand made the effort to friend request me on Facebook. So to reward him for making an effort and encourage continued interaction I wrote him a small note about a trip he was on. He quickly replied privately giving me more details on his trip. To encourage further communication I wrote back to tell him I would love to hear more. Two days later he initiated a chat conversation with me about his trip. I was surprised as to how easy it was to chat with him. Before reading the self help books I would freak out and be like ewww he likes me and I don’t know how I feel about him…SHUT IT DOWN! With my new realization that he IS “calling me”, which according to the book means he is interested and, in dating that is half the battle, than I should not run away from the opportunity. I need to stop putting effort into the guys who are not pursuing me and focus on those who are. So with my resolve to give the nice guy a chance and to be more encouraging of men pursuing woman I am having fun with Tonka and hopeful that he will in the future ask me out on a fun date.<br /><br />Daydreaming for now<br />Tiffany A. CatchDating the Self Help Wayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07483673168086105742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9030664261835729970.post-52526773851834640102009-08-30T23:25:00.000-07:002009-08-30T23:39:56.245-07:00Contributors StoryContributor: Tiffany A. Catch <br />Age: mid twenties, <br />Education: college graduate and currently working on a Masters. <br /> Years Since last boyfriend:4. (This is not to say that I have not had dating relationships since, just not a committed one) <br />Current Interest: 3; Tonka, Berkley, and Frisbee. ( and ohh so many to follow, I don’t discriminate)<br /> Men I am hung up on: 1; Sparky (I make every excuse for him but he is unavailable). <br />Morals: Have them, I don't believe in sex before marriage, won't be living with any boyfriends, and don't drink or find the bar and club scene enticing. So where do I find new prospects? I look to meet new guys through friends and acquaintances. <br />Adventures/Obstacles to overcome: <br />1) Why am I a horrible flirt? <br />2) When I have a crush it verges on infatuation and obsession. I daydream and imagine the possibilities of our life here together all before he has even asked my name!<br />3) Why don't I like to talk about my feelings or express what I am looking for in a relationship?<br />4) Do I need to be competitive in the dating market?<br />5) Why do all the men I get involved with live long distance? <br />6) Why do I give the nice guy the cold shoulder?<br /> 7) Why am I hung up on someone who is unavailable? <br />Resolve: To fearlessly implement the advice given by the professionals in my dating self help books and to make the smartest, healthiest dating decisions for my future happiness. <br /><br />Contributor #4: Sparkles ( I might find something more endearing at a later date)<br />Age: Late twenties, nearing the new twenty: thirty.<br />Education: Finishing Masters in English.<br />Years Since last boyfriend: 2.75 . At this point I have even started encouraging distant relatives to set me up with the single people they know. Even Aunt Sharon. I asked the dental hygienist the other day if she had any nephews. Low point, I know.<br />Current Interests: A summer salesman with a mole on his cheek. Think Cindy Crawford, but guy and then you’ll get it. Pretty sure he doesn’t live here anymore though. Also, the guy I keep dating in my dreams but I have never met him. He is pretty hot and perfect. Then I wake up sweating and get depressed because I can’t even stock him on Facebook since he isn’t real. Yeah, I would bet on me too, the odds are pretty stacked in my favor.<br />Morals: A virgin who is getting really tired of being a virgin, especially when I can’t even pleasure myself. I also don’t drink and some days I get tired of this, too.<br />Adventures/Obstacles to overcome:<br />1. Controlling other people.<br />2. Getting over my old boyfriend on lonely days. <br />3. Unrequited love.<br />4. Allowing myself to be vulnerable.<br />5. Broadening my dating pool <br />6. Hanging out less with male friends in hopes of becoming so despondent that I might make more of an effort to date. <br />Resolve: To be more friendly when meeting people instead of staying awkwardly quiet.Dating the Self Help Wayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07483673168086105742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9030664261835729970.post-69575962475109645152009-08-30T21:50:00.000-07:002009-08-30T21:55:40.364-07:00Introduction and Mission<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CKRISTE%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><link rel="themeData" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CKRISTE%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_themedata.thmx"><link rel="colorSchemeMapping" 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style=";font-family:";font-size:12;" >This Blog started with roommates baking the best batch of oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and, as beautiful single ladies the topic of conversation naturally turned to dating and men. Before we knew it each one of has brought from our personal libraries a dating self help book; 10 Things Women do to Mess Up their Lives by DR Laura, Think Like a Man, Act Like a Lady by Steve Harvey, and He's Just Not That into You by Greg Behrendt. As we compared notes on the book topics and advice we decided that each book individually had valid points and wondered how the advice in the books may help improve our dating situations. We exchanged advice on how the books had helped each one of us individually and by the end of the night we had all swapped books. We decided that we would start a blog documenting our attempts to put to practice the advice of the professionals. For the readers benefit and entertainment we would document our successes and failures to find love the self help way. We will remain anonymous so not to embarrass ourselves and those we date. The Mission: to find healthy loving committed relationships that result in marriage. The Method: To follow the advice from self help dating books. The Results: stay tuned.<o:p></o:p></span></p> Dating the Self Help Wayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07483673168086105742noreply@blogger.com0