Tiffany
Adventure #6 Why do I give the nice guy the cold shoulder?
Current book reading: He’s just not that Into You
Dating Advice being put to the test: He's not into you if he's not calling you.
Dating Resolution: Say yes.....even if I think they're too nice
Ok, so I am guilty of turning down a guy who has seemed interested in dating me because I think that he is too nice. I freeze up and become uncertain if I would want to be in a relationship with him, so I do not even give them an opportunity (I know I know, its just one date). I am pretty sure that I am done with my bad boy stage but, still want someone assertive. The problem I think I have with dating this type of man is that I think I would wear the pants in the relationship and that I could so to speak walk all over him. The important thing is that I wouldn't and that I would be respectful of him in the relationship. As I expressed this concern to a co-worker she had these words of wisdom, "Do not mistake nice for wimpy". Besides who is too nice anyways? We really DO want to end up with the nice guy. Current nice guy pursuing me: Tonka. I meet him at a singles conference during a round of speed dating. Chemistry was moderate but we had good conversation and followed up with going out with a group for ice cream. While my initial attraction was to his friend nothing became of it. Tonka on the other hand made the effort to friend request me on Facebook. So to reward him for making an effort and encourage continued interaction I wrote him a small note about a trip he was on. He quickly replied privately giving me more details on his trip. To encourage further communication I wrote back to tell him I would love to hear more. Two days later he initiated a chat conversation with me about his trip. I was surprised as to how easy it was to chat with him. Before reading the self help books I would freak out and be like ewww he likes me and I don’t know how I feel about him…SHUT IT DOWN! With my new realization that he IS “calling me”, which according to the book means he is interested and, in dating that is half the battle, than I should not run away from the opportunity. I need to stop putting effort into the guys who are not pursuing me and focus on those who are. So with my resolve to give the nice guy a chance and to be more encouraging of men pursuing woman I am having fun with Tonka and hopeful that he will in the future ask me out on a fun date.
Daydreaming for now
Tiffany A. Catch
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Contributors Story
Contributor: Tiffany A. Catch
Age: mid twenties,
Education: college graduate and currently working on a Masters.
Years Since last boyfriend:4. (This is not to say that I have not had dating relationships since, just not a committed one)
Current Interest: 3; Tonka, Berkley, and Frisbee. ( and ohh so many to follow, I don’t discriminate)
Men I am hung up on: 1; Sparky (I make every excuse for him but he is unavailable).
Morals: Have them, I don't believe in sex before marriage, won't be living with any boyfriends, and don't drink or find the bar and club scene enticing. So where do I find new prospects? I look to meet new guys through friends and acquaintances.
Adventures/Obstacles to overcome:
1) Why am I a horrible flirt?
2) When I have a crush it verges on infatuation and obsession. I daydream and imagine the possibilities of our life here together all before he has even asked my name!
3) Why don't I like to talk about my feelings or express what I am looking for in a relationship?
4) Do I need to be competitive in the dating market?
5) Why do all the men I get involved with live long distance?
6) Why do I give the nice guy the cold shoulder?
7) Why am I hung up on someone who is unavailable?
Resolve: To fearlessly implement the advice given by the professionals in my dating self help books and to make the smartest, healthiest dating decisions for my future happiness.
Contributor #4: Sparkles ( I might find something more endearing at a later date)
Age: Late twenties, nearing the new twenty: thirty.
Education: Finishing Masters in English.
Years Since last boyfriend: 2.75 . At this point I have even started encouraging distant relatives to set me up with the single people they know. Even Aunt Sharon. I asked the dental hygienist the other day if she had any nephews. Low point, I know.
Current Interests: A summer salesman with a mole on his cheek. Think Cindy Crawford, but guy and then you’ll get it. Pretty sure he doesn’t live here anymore though. Also, the guy I keep dating in my dreams but I have never met him. He is pretty hot and perfect. Then I wake up sweating and get depressed because I can’t even stock him on Facebook since he isn’t real. Yeah, I would bet on me too, the odds are pretty stacked in my favor.
Morals: A virgin who is getting really tired of being a virgin, especially when I can’t even pleasure myself. I also don’t drink and some days I get tired of this, too.
Adventures/Obstacles to overcome:
1. Controlling other people.
2. Getting over my old boyfriend on lonely days.
3. Unrequited love.
4. Allowing myself to be vulnerable.
5. Broadening my dating pool
6. Hanging out less with male friends in hopes of becoming so despondent that I might make more of an effort to date.
Resolve: To be more friendly when meeting people instead of staying awkwardly quiet.
Age: mid twenties,
Education: college graduate and currently working on a Masters.
Years Since last boyfriend:4. (This is not to say that I have not had dating relationships since, just not a committed one)
Current Interest: 3; Tonka, Berkley, and Frisbee. ( and ohh so many to follow, I don’t discriminate)
Men I am hung up on: 1; Sparky (I make every excuse for him but he is unavailable).
Morals: Have them, I don't believe in sex before marriage, won't be living with any boyfriends, and don't drink or find the bar and club scene enticing. So where do I find new prospects? I look to meet new guys through friends and acquaintances.
Adventures/Obstacles to overcome:
1) Why am I a horrible flirt?
2) When I have a crush it verges on infatuation and obsession. I daydream and imagine the possibilities of our life here together all before he has even asked my name!
3) Why don't I like to talk about my feelings or express what I am looking for in a relationship?
4) Do I need to be competitive in the dating market?
5) Why do all the men I get involved with live long distance?
6) Why do I give the nice guy the cold shoulder?
7) Why am I hung up on someone who is unavailable?
Resolve: To fearlessly implement the advice given by the professionals in my dating self help books and to make the smartest, healthiest dating decisions for my future happiness.
Contributor #4: Sparkles ( I might find something more endearing at a later date)
Age: Late twenties, nearing the new twenty: thirty.
Education: Finishing Masters in English.
Years Since last boyfriend: 2.75 . At this point I have even started encouraging distant relatives to set me up with the single people they know. Even Aunt Sharon. I asked the dental hygienist the other day if she had any nephews. Low point, I know.
Current Interests: A summer salesman with a mole on his cheek. Think Cindy Crawford, but guy and then you’ll get it. Pretty sure he doesn’t live here anymore though. Also, the guy I keep dating in my dreams but I have never met him. He is pretty hot and perfect. Then I wake up sweating and get depressed because I can’t even stock him on Facebook since he isn’t real. Yeah, I would bet on me too, the odds are pretty stacked in my favor.
Morals: A virgin who is getting really tired of being a virgin, especially when I can’t even pleasure myself. I also don’t drink and some days I get tired of this, too.
Adventures/Obstacles to overcome:
1. Controlling other people.
2. Getting over my old boyfriend on lonely days.
3. Unrequited love.
4. Allowing myself to be vulnerable.
5. Broadening my dating pool
6. Hanging out less with male friends in hopes of becoming so despondent that I might make more of an effort to date.
Resolve: To be more friendly when meeting people instead of staying awkwardly quiet.
Introduction and Mission
This Blog started with roommates baking the best batch of oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and, as beautiful single ladies the topic of conversation naturally turned to dating and men. Before we knew it each one of has brought from our personal libraries a dating self help book; 10 Things Women do to Mess Up their Lives by DR Laura, Think Like a Man, Act Like a Lady by Steve Harvey, and He's Just Not That into You by Greg Behrendt. As we compared notes on the book topics and advice we decided that each book individually had valid points and wondered how the advice in the books may help improve our dating situations. We exchanged advice on how the books had helped each one of us individually and by the end of the night we had all swapped books. We decided that we would start a blog documenting our attempts to put to practice the advice of the professionals. For the readers benefit and entertainment we would document our successes and failures to find love the self help way. We will remain anonymous so not to embarrass ourselves and those we date. The Mission: to find healthy loving committed relationships that result in marriage. The Method: To follow the advice from self help dating books. The Results: stay tuned.
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